Tuesday, June 28, 2011

DearPrivateEye@Gmail.com - Domestic Violence

Dear Private Eye:
My boyfriend is hitting me, but the Sheriff's Department says there is nothing I can do unless I have witnesses or visible marks to prove it. I love him. And I don't want to leave him. But I need this violence to stop. I thought the Sheriff would shake some sense into him, but they say they can only do something if there are visible marks.

"Love Struck"
Dear Love Struck,

Leave the guy. He's no boyfriend, he's an abuser. And physical violence in relationships always escalates. Maybe you are with him because you think you can change him, however you can't.  Maybe you are with him because you like the times he apologizes after his anger passes, because he's always so nice. Don't be fooled. His violence is cyclical behavior. Also know the most dangerous time for you when you leave an abuser is right after you leave, so lay low and go into hiding if you can.  At the very least, alter your daily patterns. Have friends for back-up, look-outs, protection. Alert the police. Get a restraining order.  Do not let him find you. May I also suggest, wherever you go,  you consider covert video surveillance equipment just in case he shows up and strikes out. Then I suspect, the video evidence may leave a few marks on his records.
I do not see any way out of this, Love Struck, other than to strike out on your own and leave the guy behind. He's loser because he's an abuser.

Your Private Eye

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