Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Love: "The Ultimate Outlaw"

This is my man's favorite quote.
It's by Tom Robbins.
I remember he read it to me on one of our first dates, then gave me the book with the quote marked:

 “Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.” - Tom Robbins 

I had to read it a couple of times to get it.  I got it. And how true it is 11 years later.

I put the quote on my Facebook wall this morning for about a minute, then changed my mind and took it down. It had to be addressed further here.

Because the way I see it, and this is my own on-the-fly statistical guess:
Half this planet is single, half has a partner.
The ones who are single, may or may not want a partner.
The ones who have a partner, may or may not want to be single: being free, with no one to answer to.
And I want to offend no one by implying that going through life with a partner is any better than going it solo.

While I am loathe to add a second quote to this blog post by an author unknown, it is necessary to make my point before I hit the road for a very busy day.

"Love is a fire. Whether it will warm your heart or burn your house down, you can never tell."

Evidently, today this blogger has love on the brain at the moment.
Familial love. Love for kids, siblings, friends. Love for my man.
Love for my canines tough little Bubba and  his big bro  Zen. 
And love for my fellow investigators and students who have become allies.
We watch each others back, guide each other through storms.

And yet... beyond that, I think about love on a more professional level, because love gone bad is someone done wrong, and that is good for the justice business.
In fact,  the criminal justice system's wheels run well-fueled by the blood-red grease of love gone bad under its tracks.

I am working a few cases this week that involve love gone bad... big-time.
One ended in murder
I also got a new one yesterday, a criminal case that involves the love of drugs and the envy/desire of others men's things.
If some people can't buy what they want, they steal or destroy it.

I don't mean to sound presumptuous, however, I think I am an expert on love and all things associated with  it.
Not only are domestic cases the bread and butter of private investigation,
I have had two marriages.
The first was necessary to produce the two girls I so love.
The second was necessary so I could learn to love myself. This one leaves me feeling blessed, strong and on course, steady ahead.

Yet more of my friends than not are single.
And some of the single ones are happier than the married ones.
Investigators will tell you, the things that first attract you to a person in the beginning....
are the the things that will most repel you later on.
In other words... what draws you to a person in the beginning....
could ultimately be a trigger to disagreements...
or worse... fights, violence,  separation, divorce, murder.

That's why I am of the personal and professional opinion...
it is crucial no couple seal the bond, sign that marriage certificate, co-mingle the finances, create babies until they've endured a few good fights.
Duking it out is the true test of a relationship.
It's when people fight, you know what the dark side of your opponent looks like.
Through disagreement, you learn if you can hold your ground. Or have it pulled out beneath you.
You learn if you can resolve conflict, learn from it and carry on.
And you know whether it is safe for you to stick around.

In my opinion, fights can be many things.
They can be powerful cement that bond a relationship for life...
They can be more explosive, like dynamite...
Or more subtle, like slow-acting poison.

Of course, I will be the first to admit, I walk on the dark side.
I don't live there.... I dwell in the light.
However, I work in the dark.
I hang in the shadow lands.
It's how we P.I.'s roll.

What I see behind and beyond closed doors...
what I read in case files...
what I hear from victims and criminals...
has given me enough to confidence to say I know a thing or two about life, love and death.

So today, let me tell you this.
In these very difficult economic times, please be ever vigilant.
People are stealing money from people they allegedly love, right and left.
Beyond that, people are using and abusing each other, climbing over each other like drowning people, one hoping to stay afloat at the expense of the other.
These are indeed very dangerous economic times.
I write this not to be a bummer...
more to be one of those "Reduce Speed" "Sharp Curve Ahead" signs.
Or better said, "No Shoulder. Dangerous Drop"

A P.I.'s job is not that of the police, which is to protect and serve all.
P.I.'s are here for a number of reasons.
We do protect, we do serve... selectively.
We also do a lot of damage control.
We recoup economic losses.
We work with people who help the injured to heal.
We uncover beasts hidden in children's closets.
We expose wolves in sheep's clothing.

So when you love someone new... move slowly.
Be ever vigilant.
And have NO expectations of that other person "fulfilling" you. That is a myth.
Everyone brings blessings and burdens to a new friendship or relationship.
In my opinion, its best to check out the burdens before you let allow what you perceive as a blessing in your life.


  1. Wow. So how many people can I pass this to?
    Thank you...

  2. hey anonymous, pass it on and on and on. an no... thank you!