Friday, August 12, 2011

Can't Stay Away.

Can't do it.
Can't step away from this blog.
Try as I might, I think about it day and night as a means by which to "expunge" the darker things I see... often.

Being a PI is nowhere near as tough as manning the battlefields as a soldier; the streets as a police officer; covering the ER or being a first responder on accident scenes.
Still, being a PI does have its "moments" when you think...
"Okay, this is not a good situation."
"This person is insane and.or a loose cannon."
"Oh yuk, this scene/shot goes way beyond disgusting to disturbing.
"Where is the nearest exit?"

It wasn't until a few days ago... one of my kids, who is really an adult now, informed me that most times I talk about my day as PI... when I walk it in the door... at dinner when we all talk... she has nightmares.
Always had, always will hated to hear me speak of my work, but never told me.
Go figure.
She doesn't find  my tales of gore, brutality, destruction, twisted metal and bodies or domestic-battles from-hell enchanting?
In fact they have horrified her for years. Yet it was only a few days ago she told me that all her life I have traumatized her, admittedly, unknowingly with my answer to that inocuous question, "what did you do today".
That was one of those uh-oh, vs. aha moments for me.
When I asked her, "Why haven't you told me sooner?"
She said "I thought you needed someone to share the stuff you see with."

I was touched. She was willing to take an emotional hit for me.
I thanked her for that.
Then she suggested if I have all these dark, gross stories inside me, maybe I should see a therapist or someone to get them out.
I told her I don't need to get it out, some people actually like true crime and I figured she was one of them until she said otherwise.
I have learned over many years,some people like my kind of stories, some do not.
So there are plenty of people to listen, when necessary.
I had not a clue my daughter hated, yet tolerated, these stories for my sake.
It is a profound revelation that caused me to pause.

That conversation also and ultimately, led to the point I am at now.
Blogging again.
After I said I wouldn't.
Guess I'm just realizing I do use this place as a sort of safe house, a place to cut loose.
It need not preclude a book...
rather, embrace the writing of it.
Like friendship and love... time too can expand exponentially.
I have also found through lots of emails, people actually like this blog.
Here comes another "go figure."

I have to hit the road quickly. Just want to breathe a little more life into this space,  this blog place before I go... by sharing with something I was pondering on my morning rounds.

I have a Facebook friend, he just moved into a shelter with his wife....and she was (in my FB friend's mind) assaulted or harassed last night at the shelter. I have never met him. He's a regular person like you and me who was not as lucky as many and lost it all. It can happen to anyone, No job, home, insurance, income.... and down, down, down the rabbit hole we go.

I have conversed with him and I follow his page daily and I feel like I know him. So he was struggling with how to contain his emotions, his anguish, angst, in the shelter and "we", his  FB friends, were rallying with advice, words of wisdom which really will do no good.

Meantime, I said bon voyage to a dear friend of mine who is about to embark on a 2 week cruise to the most faraway places... a trip costing upwards of 10k.

And I am thinking, "what is wrong with this picture?"

I don't think it has to be feast or famine for the whole human race.

People who lose everything do not "do it to themselves."
Some people are born into money.
Others earned every cent of enormous wealth legitimately and by working hard.
Many times, people are born into poverty.
And for the rest of  us regular folks... stuff happens.  Bad stuff. Medical, employment, emotional, deaths, divorces.... life can be hard, cruel and strip you down the bare bones.
It is important, if you are one of the people who "have" to realize America has now more "have-nots" than ever before.  And besides money, the most help you can give a person who is down and out is dignity and respect.

Okay, I am sufficiently purged for the day.
Now time to let people know the blog is back.
If you don't mind, add a comment below so I know you stopped by.
Don't be shy. I have many friends named "Anonymous."


  1. I enjoy the blog and I'd be sad if you stopped blogging altogether...

  2. I Stopped! I Read! I Enjoyed! But I am still waiting for the book. Be well my friend!

  3. suni and ed. thanks. life swept me and the book up in a tsunami. i thought letting go of the blog writing would help. i discovered i need this blog to breathe. now, resurfacing feels great as do your words of encouragement.

  4. I am here, as always, lapping up everything you put forth. And i think a blog is a great outlet for anyone in your shoes, especially if you didnt want to go the therapy route. I cant wait for the book though. Keep us updated on that!