Thursday, April 23, 2009


When someone calls and asks me to find out if someone he or she is involved in is cheating, I ask why they think something is going on. At that point, I get a laundry list of evidence, sometimes concrete, sometimes circumstantial. And almost always, the person who calls me to see if their special someone is cheating is right -- their spouse is cheating.

I usually tell these callers to save their money and just split up. I say if you think someone's cheating they probably are. And if you have such doubts about a relationship, why stay in it?

Still, seeing is believing and that's what many clients want in domestic investigations.

How do you know find out if someone's cheating?

Surveillance is a primary tool for digging up infidelity, though long days and nights are involved. It helps to have multiple vehicles and operative when conducting a domestic surveillance. Surveillance can be costly and isn't always conclusive.

There are many clues in a partner or spouse can give you that individually, or collectively, add up to indicators

The first clue is in your partners behavior -- his or her attitude towards you has changed. You sense a distancing, withdrawal. This can be a physical distancing... an emotional one... or both.

Many clues lie in everyday objects. One such object is the cell phone. A cheating spouse or partner has a partner in domestic crime and they must communicate. Cell phones are chock full of information, numbers, call times, text messages. Extracting this information is key.

Computers are also instruments of deception and a cheating spouse will go out of their way to change screens when you walk in the room, or to block your access to emails. Spyware is all over the internet, many a cheater has been caught in his own web.

Cheaters change their wardrobe, buy new toys, work longer hours, take private

Cheaters usually run on adrenalin, hormones and recklessness, sooner or later they trip up. Search the net and you find thousand of lists of traits associated with infidelity. I've included a link one of my favorite sources in my link section on this blog -- The Cheating and Infidelity Portal.

Most investigators work a fair share of domestics cases over the years. As police forces are quick to tell their new recruits, domestics can be the most complex and dangerous of situations.

The challenge for any investigator working an infidelity case is not just getting the information, but helping the client process the information you are providing. A domestic investigation is a powder keg just waiting for a match. People who find out they are being betrayed can turn volatile and violent. So a cheating spouse case can turn into an assault. Or worse, murder.

Whether you're investigating a domestic, or you're mired in your own dissolution, the key is to know you can't control what another person is going to say or do. All you can do is control your own response to information and situations that are potentially explosive.

1 comment:

  1. This link finally works. Good job. Good blog.