The Cheater's Epiphany

Private Investigators get steady business from Attorneys, which we love...
and private cases from the general public which we have a love/hate relationship with. Because the latter... the cases from the general public (being the average citizen)...  are the ones that are the hardest to  deal with. Especially, and initially, when it comes to discerning fact from fiction, the innnocent from the guilty, the fruit from the nuts.

Some one unknown calls or emails a Private Investigator  out of the blue and it's a real challenge to figure out if the person contacting is telling you the truth; justified in their actions; or two beers shy of six-pack.

That's why good Private Investigators err on the side of caution.

Here's a case in point.
Many moons ago, I was called by a wealthy woman who claimed her husband was a raging alcoholic who verbally and physically abused her, was hiding assets and having an affair. When I asked her how certain she was this was going on, she said 100%.

I suggested she save herself money and  cut to the chase. Either confront her husband and try to save the marriage or divorce him... and put the investigation money towards the attorneys.

She said it wasn't that simple.
They had two sons 4 and 6.
She wanted full custody of the boys and she wanted me to prove her soon-to be-ex-husband unfit.

She said she had  lots of money and wanted to rub his face in his indiscretions... so she would pay me  well to follow him for some time and prove her allegations.

Truth be told, I wanted the business and she was quite convincing... so I took her case. That was a big mistake.
Because it wasn't until after I took the case that I realized the good guy was the one I was paid to follow.
And the  bad guy was a bad girl,  the woman who hired me.

Though they hadn't officially separated yet, they lived in a huge house with two levels and private entrances surrounded by trees. So not only did I watch his coming and goings, I watched hers.
And it was hers that were alarming.

He went to work every day, left the same time for lunch, ate at the same place in the neighborhood or sometimes did errands and ate at drive-thrus. Never once did I see him meet a woman before or after work. There was never any touching or intimacy with any of the women he lunched with, when rarely someone accompanied him.r.


My client,  the housewife, however, was a whole different story. Every morning after her husband left, she loaded the two kids in her Range Rover, dropped them at a daycare at 9:45 and was at the liquor store by 10:00 when it opened. She always came out with a little  brown bag.

She didn't know I was watching with my binocs across the street when she reached into the bag and opened then drank the first of four airport sized bottles of vodka.  My zoom lens also got a great shot of her morning shot.

I know she bought four bottles  because I walked into the liquor store once after she left.
I told the man working there the lady who just came in was my sister and said her birthday was coming. I asked what vodka she preferred, he said, "she always gets four bottles of these." and pointed to the finest brand amongst the little bottle display.

I bought four bottles just like she did and kept them in the little paper  bag inside a bigger plastic evidence bag and tucked them safely away.


After she finished the first bottle, she started her car and headed home.

So I  not only discovered she was  drinking and driving, I was surprised to learn she was the one cheating on her husband... not the other way around.
Every day, like clockwork, a young guy who did landscape and pool work for their three acre fenced property,  came to her door 12:00 noon. He left the house between one and 1:30 via a back door. She never left the house after he left. Just stayed home until   a fully sober dad picked the kids up at daycare  and brought them home by 5:45 pm.


Now I was in a quandry. Hired by the bad guy (who happened to be a girl) to bring a good dad down and try to take his kids away from him.  Not my cup of tea.


I pondered the situation long and hard. Being a newbie P.I. at the time. I spoke with other Investigators,  called an  Ethics Attorney for advice, then followed my gut to her front door.


She thought I would hand over all the evidence to destroy her husband and get custody of the boys.
Instead, I handed her a  plastic bag with a  brown bag with four little bottles of vodka inside and the receipt from the same liquor store she went to.
I also handed her some photos I took of the guy entering her front door and leaving via the back.
And because I had some background info I acquired on the young man she was seeing, I also informed her  not only was she having an affair with someone who had robbery and assault charges...
she invited him into her home  which put her boy, husband, property in harm's way.
Then I handed her back the check she gave me I never deposited.

It was a significant  financial loss for me. However, the emotional gain and lessons I learned were priceless. I told her I want nothing from her but the promise she would seek help.

She was pissed.
She said she would sue me.
I told her I would welcome it because it would give me an opportunity to expose her behavior before a judge or jury.

 I told her she had a good husband, a great provider and dad to those boys... and she was going to lose everything if she did not change. I also told her she brought a  convicted  criminal into their home  and she put her family in harm's way and that was not only irresponsible, it was stupid.

At the time, I didn't know if she listened or not. I don't know if she cared or not.  All I knew was there was nothing to do but state my case then walk away from it  and pray for those kids.

After all, I hadn't seen her driving the children drunk once.
I hadn't seen her harm the kids.
To bring in CPS... to pull the kids out of the house... away from dad, into foster care ... because of this delusional woman... would not produce a positive result.
Yet to  inform her husband would be to violate her privacy, even though she was no longer technically, my client.

Bottom line, no bottom line is worth  the price of pleasing a client who is a liar and cheat. So I stepped away from the case.

The end of this little story is an odd one.

I received a call from her after no contact for maybe three years.
She said she called to thank me because my confrontation was an "epiphany" for her.
She  said she stopped drinking (went to AA), dumped the  young guy, and renewed her wedding vows with her husband, who never found out about the affair. She said her "indiscretion" was a secret that would go to the grave with her.

I congratulated her on her "life transformation." However, I was and remain... suspect.
I declined her invitation to meet for coffee or lunch and to take the check back, since, she said, I saved her marriage.  Instead, I wished her and her family the best and told myself "no more."

No more of these  domestic cases without going through an attorney.
They are far too dangerous and volatile. It takes time to see through the masks people wear to hide their truths.

Attorneys are paid to fight for their clients,  Private Investigators are paid to find the truth so the Attorney is fully equipped for battle. Ultimately, the justice system in all areas of law.... Family Law included,...is about truth. And always, in this kind of law, what's in the best interests of the kids.

I haven't seen or heard from my ex-client since.
That's the way it usually goes in cases like these.
It's only in the remembering  and telling of such stories that they live again. So maybe.... someone else can learn from them.