For the first time by The Script-performed by Les Launer

The Cash In

We all knew it was coming. Follow this link.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/casey_anthony_trial/casey-anthony-cash-trial/story?id=14035804

Eulogy: Last word on Caylee and Casey

I got an email comment from a blog reader who was quite upset by a biased You Tube posted about Casey Anthony below.
It was interesting because I agree with that reader's comment.
And I thought quite some time before posting the video on the blog.
I knew it would stir the pot.
Other people emailed me.  I'd say there was a 50-50 split on fair and unfair.

I guess that's why I hesitated before posting that You-Tube.
Ultimately,  however, I decided to use blog to reflect what I see the world seeing... and what I feel personally about cases I investigate or hear about.
Of course, like a pancake,  every story has two sides.
And there are people, now free from prison, I honestly believed guilty who turned out innocent.
I have also worked cases where the police and/or a grand jury couldn't get enough evidence on someone we all knew/believed murdered someone....
so the murderer (I will not use the words "alleged murderer")  is still free.

I've made my opinion about Casey's guilt clear on my Facebook page.
I believe she is a compulsive and pathological liar.
I believe she did it, she knows she did it... however, she has somehow convinced herself she didn't do it . Or if she does think she did it, she didn't do it on purpose. Along the way she wove a sticky, complex webs of lies that trapped her family and this nation.
Ultimately, she convinced her attorneys and convinced a jury  that her lies were so confusing, the jury couldn't be sure she killed Caylee.
I get that. I don't like it, but I get it.
How the jury did not get her child neglect -- 31 days, missing baby, 911 call triggered by Grandmother --  is way beyond my ability to comprehend.

I have learned a lot about lies, lying and liars in my career as a PI,
Pathological liars or rank amateurs can actually convince themselves the lie is true.
Somehow, they send some signal through their brains, that makes them believe their own lie.
Like I didn't really kill my baby.
Or it was an accident.
Or it never happened.
Or SODDI (Some other Dude Did It).

I met a lunatic the other day and I am convinced, had that person had a gun I would not be here.
Casey Anthony may meet up with some such lunatic who has a gun and may meet fate fast.
Or maybe she will have another baby and many more and marry and fade into another sensational story that makes the top 100 crimes on a reality TV show 10 years from now.
What's done is done. There are no do-overs in life. Just go-forwards.

So when I came across a Facebook page this morning run by the families of missing children and murdered children.... families who are lost and outraged  by the media attention focused on this case and not their missing child, I knew it was time to say goodbye to Caylee, Casey and the whole case.
The You Tube below is long and yes, biased.

It is however, a poignant requiem to leave in this case's wake.
It's also a longer cut, so give yourself, and Caylee, seven minutes today.

The Caylee Casey Anthony Case & Caylee's Song

Interpretation of Casey Anthony's Diary

DearPrivateEye@Gmail.com - Beat Up

Dear Private Eye,

I feel like I've been beat up all my life. Now I'm down for the count. I don't want to get up anymore.  I want to lay here and disappear.  How do I keep fighting when I got no fight left? 

Sincerely,
"Defeated."

---------------------------------------------------
Dear Defeated,

When it comes right down to what you perceive as life's final knock-out blow, it may not be so.
When you think you can't get up anymore know this:  just by thinking you can rise... your mind can set your body in motion.  Your brain controls your body's actions.
You can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and live to fight another day.

We humans are the only species, allegedly, that can anticipate.... pontificate upon... our own deaths.
So some of us fear death every day. Others toy with it. Some delay it or deny it. Others claim to welcome it.
I believe, initially, none of us, goes down without a fight.
There's nothing quite so strong as the survival instinct.  It's what "fight and flight" are all about -- do you choose to fight and risk death for yours or a greater perceived good?
Or do you choose flight, and live?
 If you've got a few minutes Deafeated, (which it sounds like you do), check out the video below.
Maybe it'll strike the same chord in you it has in me and others.
If things get worse, call a crisis line, a suicide line, talk to  a family member, a friend,  teacher, your doctor, walk into the ER...tell someone how dark your world truly is... and you might be surprised who might extend a hand and help you to your feet.
Consider the You Tube that follows your first leg up.

Most sincerely,
Your Private Eye

"Be Great, Powerful Beyond Measure"

A Variation on Nigerian Check Scam

I feel compelled to post this letter here because it will show you the lengths people will go to  separate you you from your money.
This scam started two days ago, when I got this letter at DearPrivateEye@gmail.com and it said  "help!"
So I write back and say, "Help how?"
The letter came again. Two words.
"Help me."
So I write back again and ask "How can I help?"
The reply which I just got, I'll now cut and paste here.
It's the newest version of the Nigerian Check scam.
I will post my reply to him.
And I will end this whole blog post with a link to good site for learning more about Nigerian Check Scams.

Dear friend,

Thanks for your quick response and greetings to you in the name of
our heavenly God. This mail might come to you as a surprise and the
temptation to ignore it as unserious could come into your mind;
but please, consider it a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense
of humility. My name is John Kelly. I am a 55 years old man. I am
British living in Dubai (United Arab Emirate).I was a merchant and
owned two businesses in Dubai. I was also married with two children.
My wife and two children died in a car accident six years ago.
 
Before this happened my business and concern for making money was all
I lived for. I never really cared about other values in life. But
since the loss of my family, I have found a new desire to assist
helpless families. I have been helping orphans in orphanage/
motherless homes. I have donated some money to orphans in Sudan, South
Africa, Cameroon, Brazil, Spain, Austria, Germany and some Asian
countries. Before I became ill, I kept $2.5 Million in a long-term
deposit account at ING BANK London, United Kingdom.
 
Presently, I am in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment
for oesophageal cancer. I have since lost my ability to talk and my
doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live. It is my
last wish to see this money distributed to charity organizations.
Because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth
since my illness, I can not live with the agony of entrusting this
huge responsibility to any of them.
 
Please, I beg you in the name of God to help me collect the deposit
and the interest accrued from the company and distributes it amongst
charity organizations. Use your judgement to distribute the money and
feel free to reimburse yourself when you have the money for any cost
you incure during the process of collecting and distributing the money
to charity organizations.
 
I am willing to offer you a reward If you are willing to help;
please reply as soon as you can.
 
May the Good Lord bless you and your family.


Regards,
John Kelly

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear John:

I think it's really low of you to resort  to cancer and starving orphans as a way to prey upon others.
At least winning the lottery, or helping some former rulers in exile was creative.
This is plain pathetic.
John you are  a predator, a shark, and your lie is transparent.
I certainly will not help you in any way except the following two:
1. I will expose you on the internet.
2. I will forward this letter to a contact at the FBI. They hate cyber stalkers and crooks like you.

Also know... the internet cafe where you are sitting now reading this...
or maybe you are in one of those boiler plate rooms that sends mass emails like this...
they offer you no protection, no shield.
John, you can not hide anymore with the advanced capabilities of computer forensics.
You will be tracked and hunted down based on your email header... and you will feel grief rain down on you.
You will be stopped when it comes to the point when you face more legal and financial pain than pleasure by ripping people off.
Until then, have a lousy day. Many.

Not Your Private Eye

Link to: "Nigerian Scam Continues to Rip Off Millions"

Dear Private Eye:


I was laid off my job 1.5 years ago and because this is at at-will state and they said it was my job performance. I am still fighting for unemployment. I had no saving, lost my apartment. I  am flat broke and the only time I get money is when I put up a sign on a street corner. On rainy nights, I  stay in the shelter when there is room.  Mostly I sleep under a tree in a park near the U district. I use internet in the library. I am getting more and more depressed though. I don't feel like eating. I don't feel like looking for a job. I lost my cell phone. My friends have all walked away because I guess I am too much of a bummer to be around. My  father is dead, my mother called me a parasite. My girlfriend dumped me right after my employer did. I am single, have no kids, I am 34. And I can't remember the last time I felt even close to  being a human being.  I want out of this life. I am thinking more and more about suicide, the Big Sleep. It's got to be better than this. Any suggestions?

Signed, "Hopeless"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Hopeless,

I realize this sounds corny and the last thing you need is is one more platitude, however, "where there's life, there's hope."
Once you commit the big S, Suicide, there is not life, there is no hope.
The amazing thing about life...and hope... and the universe... is it is ALWAYS the darkest before the dawn. And you NEVER EVER know how a story will end unless you decide to end it before you let it play out. Which I do not want you to do.
You are not alone in your unemployment, your homelessness, your despair. You are aware we have the highest foreclosure rate in history? Unemployment numbers have risen above the stratosphere and  are still rising.
Somehow you found you your way to this  little blog. You sound both literate and resourceful.
There is a reason why you are here.
So may I suggest you not give up? Don't check out.  Not Yet.
There is still life in you, a spark, so there is still hope.
May I encourage...no, urge you...  to knock on every hospital ER door,  walk into every homeless city encampment, contact every crisis prevention line, call every suicide line, walk into any mission, shelter, church, even the police, crisis clinic, you name it... and keep at it until one person... that's all it takes... one person...extends a hand. Sometimes, that person is a stranger who might just be a friend you haven't met yet. Other times, one simple call for help to a family member you haven't talked to for eons turns into karmic cog that  can moves... even rocks... your world.
I think there are viable  reasons people choose to exit life early. The horrific quality of their life, due to extreme illness/relentless pain is one reason.
However, you are still alive, kicking, albeit seriously depressed.
You are capable enough to find a place to lay your head at night and somehow you wake up every morning. That's a start. Just try to stay away from the booze and drugs even though you may think they offer you comfort and help you forget. They are a depressant. And ultimately, they could contribute to a suicide before the cavalry has time to arrive.
Our society is much more understanding these days about situations like yours.
Think of yourself on a Spirit Quest, knock on every door you can, speak to everyone you can. Someone, I am convinced, will see in you what I see in your letter. Hope and Promise.

"Better to be alone, than live in misery..."

DearPrivateEye@Gmail.com - Domestic Violence

Dear Private Eye:
My boyfriend is hitting me, but the Sheriff's Department says there is nothing I can do unless I have witnesses or visible marks to prove it. I love him. And I don't want to leave him. But I need this violence to stop. I thought the Sheriff would shake some sense into him, but they say they can only do something if there are visible marks.

Signed,
"Love Struck"
------------------------------
Dear Love Struck,

Leave the guy. He's no boyfriend, he's an abuser. And physical violence in relationships always escalates. Maybe you are with him because you think you can change him, however you can't.  Maybe you are with him because you like the times he apologizes after his anger passes, because he's always so nice. Don't be fooled. His violence is cyclical behavior. Also know the most dangerous time for you when you leave an abuser is right after you leave, so lay low and go into hiding if you can.  At the very least, alter your daily patterns. Have friends for back-up, look-outs, protection. Alert the police. Get a restraining order.  Do not let him find you. May I also suggest, wherever you go,  you consider covert video surveillance equipment just in case he shows up and strikes out. Then I suspect, the video evidence may leave a few marks on his records.
I do not see any way out of this, Love Struck, other than to strike out on your own and leave the guy behind. He's loser because he's an abuser.

Sincerely,
Your Private Eye

DearPrivateEye@Gmail.com - Child Custody Issue

Dear Private Eye:


My wife and I divorced over a year ago.  She's a spiteful, angry woman, from a spiteful, angry wealthy family and I'm a blue collar working class guy they never liked from day one. We have a 3 year old son. My wife started drinking, we started fighting. She had an affair, filed for separation, then divorce.Now she's got the house, she's engaged to a guy 10 years younger than her. He moved in. She managed to get full custody based on false claims against me and the fact that she had an attorney and I did not.  Besides, I live in a state that favors single mothers, not fathers. I pay my child support every month, am supposed by law to see my son two days a week. I also do not trust her live in boyfriend. I am paying child support on a minimum wage job so there's no money to spare for me and it really gets me that my money is going to her and her fiancee. What's worse is my ex is not complying with child support orders. They are a four hour drive from me. So she either leaves town before I get my son, claims he is sick,  sends him to her parents.  I have not sen him for two months and my wages are being garnished. I am beyond angry, don't have enough for the bills, don't see my kid and have lost faith in the legal system. Money talks, I have none. An ideas?
Signed,
Pi**ed Off
----------------------------------------------
Dear Pi**ed Off,
I get it completely. I would be equally pi**sed if I were in your shoes. If you have child support orders and you are paying your child support, the law mandates you be allowed to see your child according the court orders. I feel, regardless of name or state, the Departments of Heath and Human Services, or Child and Protective Services, often rule in favor of Mom simply because she is Mom. Often this is a very good decision.
Othertimes, it's not a good decision because Dad would be the better full-time parent and Mom still gets custody because Mom is a good actress or liar.
Some Moms can be as bad, or even, much worse, than Dads.
They get the child support, don't spend it on the children, then they don't you see your sons.
I will spare you my own angst on the subject (which reflects to yours) and cut to the chase here.

If I were you, I would pick myself up and walk myself into the nearest office of whatever agency your state has that deals with these matters.
Here in Washington State it is DSHS.
I would clean myself up, make myself look good,  credible, I would  control my emotions and put myself into a very calm, chillaxed headstate. Remember when anger enters the equation, logic is impossible.
I would write everything down on paper on a notepad that I plan to tell DSHS (or whatever agency manages custody and child suppport and custody in your state).
I would make copies (keep the originals) of all court papers and child support orders you have.
I would hand the papers in a file to the DSHS worker.
And give them everything I know or think they they need to know in writing including:
-name
-the child's names
-the addresses
-the name of the guy living with them
-social security numbers (i think you can give your family's not his, which you aren't allowed to legally get anyway)
-dates of birth
-and as much as you can about income.
I would present my case consiely, clearly, and kindly. The goal is to evoke compassion from the person you are speaking to. And to convince them you are rational, credible, and definitely won't be a long-winded pain in their ass.
If the person looks at your case and could care less, I'd say thank you, nicely.
Then I would go to another DSHs office. I'd keep office hopping until someone takes my case and has my back.
Trust me on this, there are more good, helpful government workers, than bad, out there. All they want is respect. Ask them how their day is. Thank them for their help. And if you do get a loose cannon, sep away and go to another location/office in your state and talk to a different person.
I would also call my state and local/country bar association for the free legal advice they often offer communities.
If I were in your shoes I'd scream from the pulpit, shout from the rooftops, contact the media, set up a Facebook page,  demand my rights to be allowed to see my children.

Here's one thing I wouldn't recommend.
Anger.
Or overt acts of hostility.
Recently, in Seattle, the leader of a father's rights group walked into a the courthouse with an unarmed hand-genade to take a public stand against abuse of Father's rights. His was shot on the spot.

As Churchill said, "Never, Ever Give Up".
Just don't act Pi**ed Off.  People who work for the government don't like to deal with angry people and appreciate calm collective people who won't take too much of their time.  They also like being handed well-organized facts and notes.
You are paying child support yet being denied state mandated child visitation and youmake less than your wife, who's living with an unknown man who could have some kind of past offense or current warrant.
And even if he has no record, yet works and lives with her -- he's living off your child support.
And even though I know this sounds ridiculous, your ex's fiancee  could be liable for child support under your state's law. His wages (if he has any) could be garnishable.
Were it me, facing your circumstances, I'd go for half or full custody.
Half's probably best.
It's what I did and it makes everyone less adversarial.
At the very least.... make a case, state it, and demand your right, legally, to see your son.
In my opinion, she doesn't have the legal right to keep him from you.
I'd go for more custody and also,  more child support. I'd spend some time in the law library (free) and if I was flat broke... once educated, I'd become my own attorney and ignore others who call me a fool for being my own attorney because I couldn't afford one.
And most important, I'd turn the state child custody/ support agency into an ally instead of an enemy. Key to it all, is controlling the emotions.  Keep your cool, gather the facts, documents, study the law and chances are good, the courts will help you reunite with your son.

Good Luck!
Your Private Eye

For My Courageous Friend.

dearprivateeye@gmail.com - Re: Rapist Profile

Dear Private Eye:

DearPrivateEye@gmail.com

I have been wanting to ask you this recently. I know you from Facebook. I was raped by a stranger and my question is "what kind of person would do this?" I have the counselors answer: an abused person who is obviously sick". but I think you could give me a good answer on this. I suppose you might need a few details to be able to answer.

Here is a summary of what happened:

A man came to my door at about 3 in the afternoon on a weekday Febuary 11, 1986. No one was home. I lived with my mom who was at work. He used a ruse that he was interested in our townhouse that was up for sale. I was just going back to college to finish my degree in Arlington, Texas. I had been getting hang-up calls in days prior to and when I pulled up to the house that day, he was passing the other way and stopped. So he was clearly watching me. My counselor established that. Okay, I went to shut the door on him but he was clever and talked his way for me to let him in, which I had a lot of guilt about later. He looked around then went upstairs with me following. He took out some handcuffs and I screamed. He said "no use screaming no one can hear you". He led me to my mom's room, then put handcuffs on me. He raped me and asked me to do a few things. During which time, he asked me if I were a virgin. Told me I was so good-looking. Said there is no love in the world. When it was over, he asked me to get in the bathtub where he pulled out one of those old-fashioned douche bottles and asked me to use it, saying "You didn't think I would get caught for this did you?" He combed his hair and looked presentable again, then said "you might as well not report it, no one will believe you?" I did report it but he was never caught.

Now since then, I have studied all sorts of crimes and am fascinated with FBI profiling. I got into counseling and have had 30 years of counseling over a bad family. So some good came out of it. I am just now getting to a place where I can even talk about it. What I noticed about him was the sick demeanor about him. How he was so full of hate and had really gone to a lot of trouble to plan this out in detail. I later, years later, thought I saw him again at a real estate job interview scam where they tell you it is a job interview but it is really trying to sell you something. He stared at me and then left as soon as it was over. But the fact that I was at the mercy of such a sicko was terrifying.

Can I get a criminal analysis of this guy. A professional opinion of what type of person he is. Can you tell anything from what I have told you? I want to know what I was dealing with beyond a counselor opinion or a book on the matter.

I appreciate your help so much.

"A Facebook Friend"

Dear Facebook Friend,


First, I can not thank you enough for both your trust and your letter. I have read it several times and thought about it for sometime before replying. First, I can not imagine how you survived the attack itself with your sanity in tact. Let alone the aftermath. And what really stops me in my tracks is the following line from your email.


"I am just now getting to a place where I can even talk about it. What I noticed about him was the sick demeanor about him. How he was so full of hate and had really gone to a lot of trouble to plan this out in detail. I later, years later, thought I saw him again at a real estate job interview scam where they tell you it is a job interview but it is really trying to sell you something. He stared at me and then left as soon as it was over. But the fact that I was at the mercy of such a sicko was terrifying."

I salute and honor your courage in reporting this after it happened.
I wonder if the police retained any evidence in a cold case box after all these years?
It is possible his specifics behavioral action are already in a Federal profiling database. Remember, BTK was found decades after his killings. Same thing with The Green River Killer.

You were clearly stalked before hand, he knew how to find you.
It took courage to come forward after such a private, violent and horrific experience.
In almost all rape cases, the rapists threatens the victim, and/or their family...
and convinces them there is no evidence.
reporting this was a strong, powerful and very good move.
I am just curious about a few things before I answer your question.

After the second encounter,  I know one thought you might have, as a victim, he evidently recognized and stalked, you felt to to charge him now would be to put your own life in more danger.  I am thinking you were thinking... even "Well, there's no DNA, no evidence if I accuse this guy he could do it again, or worse kill me."
Still, based on that meeting years later, I wonder if you/we could turn the tables on him. I tend to be very pitbull-like in nature. I hate the idea of this criminal still out there, meeting women at seminars, at open houses.

Do you have any identifying information one could get to the police/ FBI to check him out... in case he is still doing this to people? Their profiling databases are amazing. And I suspect you are just one of many women  and he has done the same the pattern he followed with you, repeatedly. Since you didn't ask me for advice on what to do... and you have been in counseling.... and no doubt have been over this same terrain in your head for decades forgive me for adding this opinion here. I am of the ilk if there's a way we could find this guy and a third party could get involved to protect you while he is being investigated, we could bring him down.

That said, back to the point and what you want to know. You asked:

"my question is "what kind of person would do this? I have the counselors answer: an abused person who is obviously sick. but I think you could give me a good answer on this. "


My answer, and excuse my french,  is WTF?  Or better said, what the heck?
How would your counselor know the guy was an abused person?
How would your counselor know the guy is sick?
Doesn't sick imply something wrong with the body and mind, something beyond his control?
Aren't sick people, people who have physical or psychological maladies -- like cancer, or diabetes, or endo, spinal injuries... or psychosis,  post traumatic stress, manic depression, anorexia, some addiction, sick?
How do we know he's not just doing this because he likes it? Gets off on it?
I have a close investigator friend who does profiling and I will email her this blog when I am done and see  how she's answer your question.
My answer is this.
I think the guy may have been abused. Or maybe he grew up in the lap of luxury.
I think he may have had some issues with mom, or maybe he had the perfect family.
While it is a fact that many abused people abuse others, it is also a fact that many abused people go out of their way to not abuse others.
And many people never abused abused others.
So let's just toss the abuse excuse in the trash because we don't and can't have an answer to that unless we know this guy's name him, investigate him, dissect him psychologically.
I believe your counselor was wrong in saying he was abused because he or she does not know that for a fact.

I also believe your counselor saying he was sick was what he/she believed, however, I do not consider rape a sickness. I consider it an act of violence and power and violation.
And while I am not proud to admit it, I did a stint defending rapists when I worked as a criminal  investigator the Public Defender's early in my career.
My rapist clients were a mix bag.
One was huge ugly dude who could never land a date and refused to pay for a hooker so he just took it.
Another was a man who claimed he was possessed (more like obsessed in my opinion). He said once he saw a girl, and liked her,  she became a fixation in his head. Much the way many people, for example, fixate on food. Or finding a soul mate.  This client fixated on raping women because it felt good.
I had one guy claim it was his wife to blame because she refused him.
Another guy claimed it's the only way he can make things "happen."
Ted and Bundy who raped and murdered, always chose a woman who looked like someone he loved who dumped him once. He also blamed his acts on the availability of pornography.

I would never dispute that some rapists were abused or raped themselves.
Nor would I disagree that some are also sick.
However, I do not think your couselor did you justice by writing it off with a pat answer based on no evidence. Obviously, you are still struggling with the question.
In my opinion, nature and nurture are the key elements to explore when it comes to motivating factors.
We know nothing of either when it comes to your attacker.

I think you profiled him spot-on in this one sentence you wrote,
"What I noticed about him was the sick demeanor about him. How he was so full of hate and had really gone to a lot of trouble to plan this out in detail."

What we know from this, then, is his demeanor appeared "sick" to you.
Was it like and illness sick or psycho sick?
Was the sick part a lack of compassion, empathy, his brutality?
He could have been a psychopath or sociopath. Or he could have been on drugs. Or he could have been 100% sane and  wanted to act sick to throw you off.
When you said he  was an "angry hateful man who is very organized and detail oriented." I think you hit another key profile point. Angry, hateful, organized. This was not an act of impulse. It has been done before and may still be done.

I honor the strength it took for you to write and send your email. I will protect your privacy. Let me know if you need a  conduit for you to the authorities if ever you get a name, plate number, anything on this guy. If he's doing seminars,  or just still out there doing this, there are women at risk. You know how to reach me several ways. Let me know if I can help further.

Thanks for your email,
Your Private Eye

P.S. There is a comment section below this post for others to add their opinions. Please add yours.  It would be helpful to so many if this column were an open forum.

They Like Drinking Beer

dearprivateeye@gmail.com - Drunk Daddy

Dear Private Eye:

     I am living with a man who has turned verbally and emotionally abusive.  We've been married 6 years. We have 2 children,  2 and 4 years of age. I have no family in this area,  my mother is on the other coast. We were transferred here for my husband's job. I read your blog, I do not know who else to ask because I"m afraid to tell anyone what is going on.
     My husband is my problem.  He used to be a great guy. Not anymore. He has changed into someone else. He is a horrible man, but not that bad because he has never hit me. He is sarcastic all the time and his jokes are mean. I try to laugh but I am secretly hurt. Lately he has been yelling and being more mean. He slams doors when he is mad. He is mad at me all the time for things like  not having dinner ready, or having it too overcooked, when he comes home.  But I never know when he is coming home which confuses me. He gets mad when I do not pick up after the kids. It gets worse when he drinks and that is why I am writing to you.
     He really is good man deep inside. He used to be fun, kind, loving. He paid all our bills until recently.  He was  nice to me in public but we don't go out anymore.
    When I got pregnant after many years of trying, he said to it was better for me (and I agreed) to be the one who worked. I used to be an in-home caretaker for seniors citizens. We agreed  I would stay home and take care of the children. I loved that.
     Then two months ago, he comes home and says he got laid off his job because the company was losing money and every time I ask him to file for unemployment he won't. He just yells at me or leaves the house and comes home drunk. He either turns on the tv, sleeps on the sofa or comes in yelling, which wakes the children up. He calls me vile names, yells and turns red with rage and claims to remember nothing the next day.
    Last night he did not come home at all. It wasn't until this morning he called me from jail and said  he was arrested from drunk driving at 2:00 am last night!  I went to the bank to get bail and found out there is almost no money left in our bank account! If I bail him out, how will we pay the mortgage on our house? We are already behind on that  and he never told me. I let him pay the bills.
    Now I  am wondering if maybe he was fired for his drinking and that is why he can't get unemployment?  Besides that, I am unemployed, with two small children and living with a drunk.
I need help. What do I do?


"Scared"
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Dear  Scared,

Wow, you are in the thick of it. You have a husband who appears to be a black-out drunk, meaning he drinks and goes into a "black-out" state where he forgets everything he does under the influence. Know this: once the alcohol enters his system, the man you first loved is no longer there. Alcohol is a depressant disguised as a social lubricant. It is also addictive. Lives, bodies, marriages self destruct over the years under the influence of alcohol. The alcohol is driving your husband's brain and body and the fact that he was arrested for drunk driving is bigger than a red flag. Once he downs a drink, then two, it's is as though he strapped on a suicide vest... sooner or later his drinking or drunk driving could kill a stranger, you, or his children. Not to mention what appears to be his increasing rage and lies about money.

There is a big picture here, "Scared". The children. Their survival...and yours. Whether or not you agree with me, I suspect they are terrified and in danger when they see Daddy acting like this. They must never be allowed in the car when daddy is driving, because blackout drunks can appear sober and be many times over the legal limit. They must not be exposed to his alcohol use or booze fueled rages. They must be protected.

I am not a therapist. You need one. You also need to get your husband away from you and your kids. Under the current economic environment, it is quite possible you are "upside down" or your mortgage and your home could be in or go into foreclosure. It is time to baton down the hatches.

Were it me, I would not bail the husband out. I would clean out the bank account and use the money for two things, to file a separation... and to find a safe place to go with your two kids and keep them fed.  You mentioned your mother lives across the country. Could you go there?  Do you have a friend who might take you in?

If not, a woman's shelter, safe house, domestic abuse hotline may help you find a pathway out if no one can take in you and your children. It is when you are at a safe distance from your husband, you can lay out your demands for his return.

If you refuse or choose not to leave your home, I would still file for separation, contact the police and get a Restraining Order to show your husband you mean business. It doesn't matter to me whether someone yells, screams, or hits. It's all abuse. And just as it is disturbing to you, it is traumatizing your children.

Just know, if your husband drinks, walks in the house again, starts his screaming thing and a neighbor has had enough,  Child Protective Service will be called and may take your kids away from both of you. Just because you are not the screamer does not make you innocent.
If you do not protect the children from his rages, you are co-dependent and no help to them. We don't want you to lose your children.... you sound like a loving, caring, mama. However with a loose cannon in your house, it is too dangerous for the kids to be there when the cannon fires.

Some times life deals us a bad hand. Sounds like you've got one. However, you can find a way out of this, you must,  especially for your kids. By showing them you can stand up to and defeat a bully, even if he is their dad, you are modeling for them, in case they hit the same situation themselves later in life.
All this will come down one thing- whether your husband really is a good man who wants and will accept help; who will do everything to change, save your marriage and family.
If the alcohol, the job layoff,  have seriously messed with his head.... then the waters ahead can and will likely be dangerous for you.

I know others may disagreee with me, this is the path I would take.
Remove him from the equation, get back on your feet and get back to work so you can be financially independent. Whatever you do, do not drink, use drugs (prescription or otherwise.) You must have a clear head to deal with all this. Get a spiral notebook at the dollar store, use it to log what goes down every day, every person you talk to, every number or instruction you get. Be your own advocate and the advocate for your children. And whatever you do, do not hesitate to call 911 when he next  poses a threat to you, the kids, or others, by getting in a car drunk.

Bottom line, I'd let your guy stew in jail in his own alcoholic juices. I would take his bail money and spend on a safe place to take my kids, to make my escape. Meantime he'll live through the consequences of his actions. No income, no unemployment... he sounds like an alcoholic, blackout drunk. You got a loser who needs help. Step away from him and force him to step it up.

Do not despair. There is always hope. Many good people have made it back from very hard, dark places. It's not about being knocked down, it's about getting up. Perhaps he can get up, step it up and  get through this. However, today.... right now... you need to make a big change in your life to make a difference.  Step away from the man and be strong, for the sake of your sanity and your kids.

Sincerely,
Your Private Eye

dearprivateye@gmail.com.

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Dear Private Eye:

In the prisons inmates have tried to file suit of stalking for officers performing within their job duties.  Are investigators challenged in their careers as well for stalking?  What gives anyone the right to hire someone to follow someone, take pictures, and run surveillance especially with all the weirdos out there.  How does the investigator know they aren't working with some psychopath who is just collecting information that allows them to stalk someone?  

Signed, Curious...
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Dear Curious:

That's a big question in a short paragraph, Curious.
I think it is beyond ludicrous that inmates are attempting to file suit re: officers they feel are stalking them when the officers are simply doing their job.  Watching the prisoners is the job description!
Then again, there's not much to do in prison... and idle prisoners lead to idle lawsuits.
One could presume, as in the fine fictional flick "Green Mile," there are plenty of  power-tripping prisons guards with a few screws loose. That's the case in all professions everywhere. Show me a business environment and I'll show you a loose cannon not too far from the water cooler.

However, when one is merely performing their duties, which involves working in a hostile, threatening dangerous environment with some very angry, resentful and venegful people...
some who are out of their minds....
the prison officer's job must be surveillance.
They are watching these inmates for their safety and ours.
It could be deadly for a prison guard not to watch his or her back.... and their co-workers... and the inmates who they often have to protect from other inmates.
I wonder if a case like this has ever come to trial and how the judge or jury ruled?

RE: PI's and stalking. I know one PI who actually was a stalker.  Just because you are a PI doesn't mean you are licensed, ethical or obey the law. There are a lot of wanna-be's posing as PI's... scammers... who are ripping people off.
When people hire me for surveillance, or for tracking someone down, the first thing I do is measure the psycho/wierdo/quotient. I'd say about 1/4 of all my  potential cases come from people who are a few beers shy of a six pack. Either they want revenge, want to talk to a PI, or are out of their mind. I'm good at eliminating these folks right out of the gate. Call it a finely honed instinct based on a lifetime of experience.

When I am convinced the person may have a viable case, I ask a list of questions that is more like an interview or interrogation. I need to know everything. Particularly if there are any restraining orders against the person who wants to hire me. I need to know  every "who. what, where, when and why"  before I take on the case. Who is this person to you?  What do you intend to do with the info?  Where did you find me, where did you come from, where  did you meet this person? Everything applicable. And most important... Why?  Why do you need  me to find or follow this person? For every "why" that is first elicited, there is another "why" below the surface. And if the Why...or How... is not legally permissible, I don't do it.

To protect myself, I find out everything I can about a potential client before I take on their case.
When I feel so inclined,  I run their background and let them know I will.
There have  been too many cases of PI's finding people who are later killed by the clients who hired them.
I will never go there.
There are lines in the sand a PI can not legally cross.
If I am seen by a subject i am following on a surveillance, then I am "burned", which mean I exit the area and do not return to the job unless I'm in a different vehicle looking like a different person.
If I am worried a concerned neighbor might see me and report me as a stalker when I am in a visible vehicle on surveillance, I sometimes call the local police to let them know I am or will be there and working on a case.
I'd rather lose a case than cause someone to lose their life, their sense of security, privacy or violate the legal perameters of the law and lose my license.
I think it comes down to a gut feeling really. You're in this buisness long enough and you can see a flake coming from a mile away.

Thanks for your email Curious. Hope this helps!
Your Private Eye
dearprivateeye@gmail.com

Cheater Cheater- Joey and Rory

First Email to "Dear Private Eye" from "Woman Scorned"

My very first Dear Private Eye email arrived. So here we go!
Please keep the emails coming, I'll keep the blog going while I write my book.
I promise to protect your privacy and I so appreciate your trust in helping me launch this concept.
Thank you, "Woman Scorned."

Dear Private Eye:

      I am in the middle of an a divorce.  I discovered my husband has been having an affair with a secretary who has worked for him for at least a year.
      I wonder if there is any way I might access this woman's bank account to find out whether he has been giving her money or buying her gifts? I think it no coincidence, my husband just changed the password on line to his business account. 
      I have not been able to access that account on line since I confronted him about the affair and I filed for divorce.  I believe once I study the records, they will show a transfer of funds.  I am seeing nothing usual in our personal joint account.
     I know her name and address and I do not know her bank.
     Is there any way to find this information out? Thank you for any assistance you can provide.

Sincerely yours,
Woman Scorned
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Dear Woman Scorned:

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am also sorry I can not help you here.
Bank account information is  protected by federal privacy laws among other things.
So you would be violating the law by even attempting to access this woman's private banking info.
And if even if you did find out he has been transferring money to her,  not only would your husband's attorney go for the jugular on your violation of her rights, you could end up in with a whole lot more legal trouble than you have now.

Were or are you a co-signer on your soon-to-ex husband's business accounts? If so, perhaps you can find print-outs in a file cabinet if he still receives paper statements. Or perhaps you could discuss this with your divorce attorney and these records could be accessed via subpeona?
If he spent your collective money on her, fraud could be a viable consideration in the final divorce settlement.

There are forensic accountants who can be quite helpful in such circumstances. You must measure (and discuss with your attorney) whether an investment in such an expert would be worthwhile.

I wish you stability and sanity during this trying time. Divorce is no fun for anyone.

Sincerely,
Your Private Eye

Questions? Comments? Concerns?  Write me at dearprivateeye@gmail.com

Introducing "Dear Private Eye": New Direction, Free Advice, Calling All Emails

Write me here: dearprivateeye@gmail.com
I'm writing a book now about Private Investigation. And I've been advised by those schooled in both electronic media and publishing, that it's best keep this blog going while I write the book.

That can be challenging, because I tend to write long blogs when I get started. I also work anywhere from 8-14 hour days as a P.I. So finding the time to write a book, blog, work and have a life is going to be a challenge over the next few months.
For that reason I'm taking this blog in a new direction,  one I've been asked to travel for a long time.
It's called "Dear Private Eye." Think of it like an advice column, a "Dear Abby" of Private Investigation".
Here's how it works: 

Send me an email with a question or case you need advice on. It could be a generic, broad-based question about the PI business, a case or personal matter. The advice is free -- with one caveat.
Every answer I provide is just my opinion,  one of many out there.... and in no way is  "Dear Private Eye" a substitute for professional, legal advice.

Please check any reply I give with an attorney, therapist, another PI, a close friend, someone else... before you act on it. It's always best to seek multiple opinions before you  reach a big life decision. You will have complete anonymity.
I'll respect your privacy and once I post your email here, I'll delete it from my inbox.
Just like good ole' Ann Landers, or Dear Abby, I have no interest in searching out who you are.
My job is to protect your privacy. And my interest is only in helping others -- by offering free opinions based on a complex, full life... and a long history of crisis management as a Private Investigator.
The economy is tanking, people are losing their homes,  families are at odds and splitting up, riots are breaking out everywhere, predators are running rampant and people can't always afford to pay for the help they need.
Mine, on this blog is free.
This idea will allow the blog to keep running while I'm writing the book.
And  I want "Dear Private Eye" to bring someone...or many.... help, hope, direction.
I need your help to make this work, so please think up a question I can answer to help you and email away to dearprivateeye@gmail.com.
I'll leave this post up...along with today's blog, Dr Kauffman's retraction to the Dr Laura letter (see below) for a little while to start gathering emails.  I've also been advised to include an original blog

once a week and plan to do that.

So if you find your way here, please support your local blogger with email questions... and keep coming back.
Looking forward to hearing from you... only time will tell how this plays out.